


Wreaking Havoc

by DrBlueneck



Series: Wreaking Havoc [2]
Category: Naruto
Genre: Female Uzumaki Naruto, Fluff and Humor, Friendship, Gen, Jiraiya is a perv, Kujin is a troll, Male Uzumaki Kushina, Minato is fed-up, Naruto is Just Naruto, cranking up the BROmance to new levels, no beta we die like men, rated for Kujin's potty mouth
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-02-17
Updated: 2019-09-01
Packaged: 2019-10-25 03:57:10
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 1,545
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17717606
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/DrBlueneck/pseuds/DrBlueneck
Summary: What happens in Konoha will NOT stay in Konoha!Follow the adventures of Minato and Kujin as they learn to navigate their friendship while trying not to destroy the village.Meanwhile, Jiraiya found a new source of inspiration for his trashy novels and his student hates him.





	1. Stalking Minato is a fun way to make friends

**Author's Note:**

> This is a companion fic to Jagged Pieces, and it won't follow a set chronological order. It's just drabbles (sometimes one shots) enabling a glimpse into Minato and Kujin's friendship, and later on, Naruto gets added to the lot.  
> There will be no spoilers for Jagged Pieces, though many things that could not make the final cut in JP will be explained in this companion fic, so it may be a good idea to keep up with Wreaking Havoc just to better understand some characterizations :)
> 
> Know that some of the snippets posted here were already available on my tumblr.
> 
> Have fun with these little snippets!

There it went again! Minato stopped in the busy street, feeling the fine hairs on the back of his neck raise. It had been going on the whole day – since he first steeped outside of his home to go the Academy.

It didn’t take him long to understand he was being followed, but he was still unsure about the reason, nor did he know his shadow’s identity. Nobody really sought him out due to his foreigner status. It had been two years since he’d arrived in Konoha with his mother and one since she died, the stigma of being a “Kumo bastard” fading with her. It took time for him to prove his worth and got his peers to acknowledge him as a trusty shinobi of the Leaf in the making.

Or at least that’s what he thought before being saddled with his little stalker. Maybe they wanted to be sure he wasn’t sneaking around doing Kumo’s dirty bidding… Minato shook his head. If the Hokage really doubted of where his loyalties laid, he would send a competent shinobi to shadow his every step, not someone easily detected after three steps out of the safety of his flat.

Sighing, je resumed his slow pace, determined to catch the annoying culprit in the act, waiting a full five minutes before abruptly turning around and catching for a split second the sight of startled purple eyes and long red hair. Gasping, his stalker darted back behind a wall quick as a flash.

It was enough though for Minato to have an epiphany and his usually sweet, cherubic face suddenly soured in a colossal scowl, eyebrows ticking as a vein pulsed at his temple and he gritted his teeth.

No. Freaking. Way.

He had worked too hard to cultivate his relationships with the villagers. That loudmouth Uzumaki was NOT going to ruin it. Nope. Nuh huh.

Stomping his way towards the wall where the redhead was badly hidden – his sandaled feet were still pointing out and his flashy unbound hair kept being swept by passing breezes – Minato gripped the other boy by his collar and pulled him further back into the alley’s shadows.

Not intimidated in the least, the redhead actually grinned toothily, waving his arms around as if unable to contain his energy.

“Yo, Minato!”

“You,” the blond growled out, his left eyebrow still ticking with each passing second. “Stop following me around.”

“I’m not following you,” the Uzumaki immediately refuted with a growl of his own. “I’m a leader, ‘ttebane! I don’t follow people!”

“Then stop sniffing around me.”

“OI! I’M NOT A DOG, DIPSHIT!”

Minato sneered. “Well you bark like one, excuse me if the difference is hard to see, outcast.” It was said in the same sickly sugary voice that went with his angelic persona, but delivered with eyes as cold as ice.

To his credit, Kujin didn’t even flinch at the ‘outcast’ comment. From one immigrant to another… pot kettle much? So he snorted and looked the blond up and down before musing out loud, “You’re so girly.”

He then proceeded to roughly pat Minato’s flat chest. “Just checking to be sure,” he explained cheekily as the blond stared, flabbergasted, before his pale cheeks were flooded with the red of anger and embarrassment.

“YOU’RE DEAD, UZUMAKI! DEAD!” was the yell heard through all the village, followed by diabolical cackling from a redhead boy as he weaved around civilians trying to escape the blond fury chasing after him with a blunt kunai.

 

 

On his perch from a tree above the bathhouse, Jiraiya looked up from his sterile research, shaking his head at the noise coming from the market place. “Aaah, youth these days… so rambunctious… hm, that could actually make a good subplot: the passion of young blood and throbbing hearts!” And he went back to his writing, inspired anew.


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Two readers told me: "You know, some part of me thinks that Kujin is gay for Minato..."  
> This snippet was my answer!

Drinking with Kujin was never a good idea: the red leech would become even more of a parasite, clinging to Minato’s body like an octopus with the strength of a boa, all the while switching between singing off-key about love and whining about random things – such as the poor quality of wire strings or the lack of meat buns at a new food truck he hit the week before.

The worst was that Minato would indulge him, too drunk and tired to really fight off the ridiculously buff man – these were the moments when the blond would wish he was physically more built than his friend. At least, when sober, he could kick his ass in less than ten seconds…

And so this is how he found himself wearily dragging his feet back home, already thinking about his plush bed and Naruto’s dulcet screeches, berating him for coming home past midnight, trying to forget about the redhead attached to his back like a baby koala – which was no easy task.

“Minaaaaatooooo,” Kujin moaned right in the man’s ear.

When no reply came, Kujin’s fingers crawled into Minato’s hair and grabbed a handful of locks in tight fists. He then proceeded to use them as he would reins on a horse, jerking the man’s head up and down, right and left, punctuating each shove with a whiny “Minato”.

“What?” the blond finally sighed, having trouble seeing straight after the rough treatment.

Warm fingers trailed down the blond’s cheeks, followed by equally warm but clammy palms brutally smooching them together. No reaction.

“Minaaaatoooo… You’re nice to everybody but meeee!!” Kujin whined, forcing his friend’s lips open and close, as if playing with a dead fish’s mouth.

His hands were batted away as Minato massaged his abused face, trying to remember if he was supposed to turn right or left. The Uzumaki tugged on his hair, guiding him to the left. He followed without asking questions and yelped when two bare feet dug viciously under his ribs.

“You didn’t say anything, asshole,” the redhead pouted, his arms getting uncomfortably tight around the Namikaze’s neck.

“Cause I’m not nice,” the blond man drawled sleepily.

They both studiously ignored the fact that instead of letting the Uzumaki back at the pub with no shoes and barely able to walk, he went out of his way to bring his friend back to his own flat, in the opposite direction from where he lived.

“Ya should be nice ta me, though! I’m ya best friend, dick.” There was just a sigh and Kujin tightened his partial chokehold. “You like me, right?”

“Yeah, yeah,” Minato said through a yawn, fully relaxed despite the impending danger his throat was in. “Like a brother.”

And there went the high pitch whine Minato had been trying to avoid all night long. Kujin kicked his legs and arms, tugging harshly at the blond’s hair.

“Miiii-naaaa-tooooo! I don’t wanna be your brother – you treat ‘em like shit!”

“What do you want to be then?”

Kujin bounced excitedly on Minao’s back, and he knew that he’d have to stay in bed tomorrow morning to nurse his poor spine back to health. Sometimes, he felt older than his 23 years…

“Your wife! Duuude, you treat Naruto-chan so nicely, I’m jealous!”

Minato actually stumbled at the words before righting himself and trying to make sense of his friend’s words.

“Yeah, well… she bore me a child.”

Even though he couldn’t see him, Minato _knew_ Kujin was pouting.

“So what?” the redhead grouched. “If I give you a kid, you’d be nicer to me?”

Indulging his friend just to shut him up, the blond nodded. “Yep. Basically.”

Kujin pumped his fists up, crying “Alright!” with all his might. There was determination in his voice as he urged his friend to go faster towards his flat. “We have a baby to make, dude!”

Silence. Then a sigh followed as Minato continued to walk at his leisured pace.

“Kujin.”

“What?”

“You’re a man, Kujin. You can’t have babies, Kujin.”

An outraged exclamation was his answer, followed by more hair-tugging and an old civilian banging his window open to yell at them to shut up. Kujin didn’t care one bit.

“Is that a challenge?! Is it? I accept it, Minato! I can pull off  _everything_. Just watch!”

“I’m not having sex with you, Kujin…” came the weary voice of his fellow shinobi.

“Come  _on_! How am I supposed to beat that challenge without your dick being involved? How?!”

Another sigh. “Shut up, Kujin…”

A grumble, then the Uzumaki finally settled, arms lose around Minato’s neck. “I’m totally having your baby, man. And you’re totally gonna treat me like your wife. Ha! Your other wife is gonna be  _so_ jealous….”

He should really,  _really_  stop drinking with the red leech.

_Naruto-san will laugh at me for years if people find out… I hope nobody heard us…_

 

 

 

Two days later, Naruto just stared at him, then back at her _Kunoichi Weekly_ , then back at him, and smirked.

“So,” she drawled, dark blue eyes alight with mirth, “apparently, Kujin decided to change sex just so you could elope and have kids together?”

Minato’s glass broke in his hold and he glared at the trashy periodic where he knew some of Jiraiya’s short stories were published. One day, he’d burn the printing building to ashes. But he’d first beat to a pulp the informant working for his mentor.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> (Imagine Minato’s and Kujin’s reactions if they one day learn about Naruto being their love child from another dimension. Hilarious. Kujin would totally call it a win and demand to be treated AT LEAST as Minato’s mistress. And Naruto would just stand there and be like, “Yeah Minato, that’s no way to treat your man-wife, you bastard. Take responsibility!” They make one fun trio…)
> 
> But, for real, to answer the question: Kujin is definitely into boobs, though he’s an adventurous mofo, so he wouldn’t be opposed to try the D at least once. Or twice. Or more. He just likes sex a lot. And let’s be real, if Minato would ask for a good boning? Kujin would be the first one ass naked and ready for action, like “I VOLUNTEER AS TRIBUTE, MODAFUCKAS! MINATO, HERE! TAKE MY ASS VIRGINITY! DO NOT BE GENTLE.” Because Minato is special like that. (So yeah, he’s just really devoted to his friend, to such an extent that it can become creepy fairly quick. But creepy Kujin is too funny to hate IMO.) In fact, if Kujin had to settle down with anybody, his first choice would’ve definitely been Minato. Not because he’s in love with him, but because Minato is his dearest friend, and that like me, he thinks that marrying a really good friend may be better than to actually take a dive into the world of Love (but that's because I'm low-key Aro, sooooo...) His ideal lover would be his best friend. And it so happens that Minato is the said best friend.
> 
> Aaaand because homoeroticism is really fun to write. I admit it. Sue me. (But honestly, you really can’t help it when you major in literature and you spend half your time reading and studying novels from the 1700s-1800s where male friendship was pretty… suggestive.)
> 
> TL;DR: No, he’s not in love with Minato, I just like to push the BROmance to the extreme because it’s fun to rile up the readers.

**Author's Note:**

> (PS: Jagged Pieces will not be updated until this summer at the earliest. Adult life sucks. Never grow up.)


End file.
